Halloween: Parts 2 and 3

Fighting with two year-olds: the most confusing situation, ever. 

I have a strong tendency to dislike children. I get aspirated over them while they scream and yell and ask complex questions. How do you explain high school to a seven-year old without perplexing them or ruining their ambition?

Anyway, being on the topic of Halloween, I was handing out candy. While I was sitting there with little dignity already on my front step, a little pirate kid and his brother came up. The oldest one was three maybe, and the youngest was about two. Their parents were in tow, and they came up for candy. I was giving out the candy I hated Reese’s cups, some random mars candy, and some bags of M&M cookies. I was getting rid of them because I had bought them recently and found out they were dry and crumbly. I hate dry and crumbly cookies, but other people like them, so I was giving them out to the older kids (for whatever logic).

I handed the youngest kid a peanut butter cup and was about to get another candy for his brother when he spied the cookies. He reached in and had his little hands on it and said he wanted them. I held onto the bag, but all he did is stare at the cookies like they should have been in his pillow case already. I returned a stare that said ‘Really? Why don’t you hand it back kiddie’, but it didn’t work. We were stuck there with a bag of cookies. Sure it doesn’t sound like much of a situation, but it was super awkward.

What to do? Do I take my bag back? Do I offer a trade? He’s two and his parents are watching. I don’t want to yank it back or say something and look like a jerk. I hate getting into confrontations, and I don’t want to start with some random pair of parents. I did what I always do in intensely awkward situations – I sit there and mutter ‘uhhhh…’ Luckily it worked, and his parents told him like five times to put it back.

Forget carving the pumpkin.

Forget the knives. No one trusts me with knives, carvers, or spoons (or sporks). Paint the damn thing with acrylic paint pens (the awesomest things ever…) instead:

Took me like 5 minutes. Beat that all you people who carved pumpkins barfing up their insides!

Rogue Out.


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